#BetweenSouls MYG #3
#3 Min Yoongi - The love we can not have.
I listened this song for the first time a few weeks ago, at my 1st Recital of Lyric Singing, in the at the headquarters of school where I study... And was impossible don't fall out crying, while my mind flied freely, through my emotions.
This magnificent piece made me remember of you... And of all the love I keep saved here, inside of me.
Each note, every verse, each dissonance, dynamics and chord, struck me deeply. I listened with ears, but was my heart and eyes that expressed what I felt.
While I watched the performance of my friend, while he sang, many flashes passed through my eyes, just like a movie....
I saw myself, standing, watching through a mirror, the sweet love story I've always dreamed about, but that had never belonged to me.
I saw us two, you and I, in a simple little yellow house, with a little garden behind a white fence. I saw us, snug sitting on the couch, surrounded by many fluffy blankets, watching a movie... Yes, I saw both of us, dancing on the carpet, while the brown little poodle toy ran around the house, while the cats, Lumus and Nox, slept in the armchair.
I saw us... Being happy, together, sharing moment and laughter, splitting secrets and plans for the future.
I saw both of us, being full and complete... And was beautiful, truly painfully handsome. And while I watched the future I've always wanted, I listened that voice, that little voice in my consciousness, reminding me of reality, moving away from my beautiful and pure dream.
The voice kept saying... It insisted on repeating that this was impossible, that it was too sweet a utopia for someone like me. Insisted that it was too far from my reality, that there was no hope for me.
And then, I realized, finally realized, that my perfect fantasy, was just this, a fantasy, a thing that could never happen in the real world. Understand this hurted, deeply.
Then, slowly, I was swallowed back to reality, where the cold emptiness of loneliness awaited me. And I wanted to scream and cry out to life for mercy, for a miracle or any other interference of fate but... There was no more strength in me. I faded into too acidic tears, a cruel and raw portrait of a love I could not have.
And then, I was back in front of that mirror, staring at my own reflection, watching my eyes spill unreachable yearnings.
I lost color, and the bitter taste of the pain painted my lips... And there was no reason to smile anymore. Because loving you has always been a blessing, a true gift, but sometimes I forget that loving you this much, sometimes sounds like a curse, because I forget that this love that reigns so much in me is something we can't have.. And maybe we can never.
I'm a silly... A silly lover, that believes in prophecies and promises, even knowing that magic does not exist. Or maybe it does exist and its existence is proof of that.
Do not know... I don't know nothing...
I just know that I shut my chest and silenced my voice, and I didn't sing any beauty, because there is no beauty in being away from you...
And, in the silence of the truth, I cried softly, because of this love that we can not have, and I've been waiting and wanting so much. I cried, because sometimes, the truth is more painfully than sweet illusions. I cried, because I love you so much more than I can explain or express, but I have consciousness that I don't deserve you.
Y.
00:52hs.
08/12/2019.
This magnificent piece made me remember of you... And of all the love I keep saved here, inside of me.
Each note, every verse, each dissonance, dynamics and chord, struck me deeply. I listened with ears, but was my heart and eyes that expressed what I felt.
While I watched the performance of my friend, while he sang, many flashes passed through my eyes, just like a movie....
I saw myself, standing, watching through a mirror, the sweet love story I've always dreamed about, but that had never belonged to me.
I saw us two, you and I, in a simple little yellow house, with a little garden behind a white fence. I saw us, snug sitting on the couch, surrounded by many fluffy blankets, watching a movie... Yes, I saw both of us, dancing on the carpet, while the brown little poodle toy ran around the house, while the cats, Lumus and Nox, slept in the armchair.
I saw us... Being happy, together, sharing moment and laughter, splitting secrets and plans for the future.
I saw both of us, being full and complete... And was beautiful, truly painfully handsome. And while I watched the future I've always wanted, I listened that voice, that little voice in my consciousness, reminding me of reality, moving away from my beautiful and pure dream.
The voice kept saying... It insisted on repeating that this was impossible, that it was too sweet a utopia for someone like me. Insisted that it was too far from my reality, that there was no hope for me.
And then, I realized, finally realized, that my perfect fantasy, was just this, a fantasy, a thing that could never happen in the real world. Understand this hurted, deeply.
Then, slowly, I was swallowed back to reality, where the cold emptiness of loneliness awaited me. And I wanted to scream and cry out to life for mercy, for a miracle or any other interference of fate but... There was no more strength in me. I faded into too acidic tears, a cruel and raw portrait of a love I could not have.
And then, I was back in front of that mirror, staring at my own reflection, watching my eyes spill unreachable yearnings.
I lost color, and the bitter taste of the pain painted my lips... And there was no reason to smile anymore. Because loving you has always been a blessing, a true gift, but sometimes I forget that loving you this much, sometimes sounds like a curse, because I forget that this love that reigns so much in me is something we can't have.. And maybe we can never.
I'm a silly... A silly lover, that believes in prophecies and promises, even knowing that magic does not exist. Or maybe it does exist and its existence is proof of that.
Do not know... I don't know nothing...
I just know that I shut my chest and silenced my voice, and I didn't sing any beauty, because there is no beauty in being away from you...
And, in the silence of the truth, I cried softly, because of this love that we can not have, and I've been waiting and wanting so much. I cried, because sometimes, the truth is more painfully than sweet illusions. I cried, because I love you so much more than I can explain or express, but I have consciousness that I don't deserve you.
Y.
00:52hs.
08/12/2019.
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