~

"The heart in my chest is aching, aching... It throbs wildly and makes the air disappear, as if something is wrong, as if something is not what it is, as if what we want was even more impossible than it normally is.
My heart hurts... Anguish clouds my thoughts, and I cannot separate what is real from what is imagined.
I don't know what's going on, but it hurts me like hell!
I miss you and your absence intensifies the suffering inside me... And knowing that, probably, I will never be able to look into your eyes and express everything you make me feel, makes my soul twist, turn, bleed slowly, as if a dagger has slowly ripped of my chest....
I feel like I'm suffocating, but the air keeps flowing around me; it's as if the planet's orbit has changed and only I can feel it, the earth spinning, the waves of the sea, the electromagnetic frequency at the poles, the influence of the sun, the gamma rays...
All this confuses me, bewilders me! I just wanted to feel peace within my own skin.
I just wish I could hold you tight, until all this cacophony is silent, until only the perfect measure of our united breaths remains...
I just.. wanted to be able to protect you, from everything and everyone. I wanted to be able to get you rid of all ills and problems. I wish I could surround you with beautiful and happy things, but I'm so far, so far...
I'm falling in my own disaster, and I don't know what to say, what to do... Why everything looks so confused? Why we're separated like that? I don't know... 
Time is just a name, to justify the passage of life, without actually being able to understand what happens, or how it acts.
It was 9:37 pm when I started writing to you... Now it's exactly 11:07 pm and I still feel my heart hurting...
But to imagine that you are well, safe and at peace, makes me believe that everything can be well.
Maybe, the tomorrow will not bring the beautiful things that I hope so much, but maybe, just maybe, tomorrow can be better than today was.
That's what I want to believe, that the today made me suffer, so that the tomorrow makes me understand. And everything will be fine...

Still so..

The yearning inside of my chest, is a constantly insistent companion... I just wish I could hug you. And this will is not a passing thing as expected. No matter how much time passes."



Y.
23:33hs.
20/05/2020.